Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
