One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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