Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
