Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize