you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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