Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
