well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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