He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
