k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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