Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
