Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Michael Bay diarrhea
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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