Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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