Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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