Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
