I have demons in me.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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