Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
