like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
