i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
