Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
