it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
