Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
