Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
