i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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