Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
