tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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