totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
