On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
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