My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
My vagina just recognized that song.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
