he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize