I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
