in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Randomize
