In America we eat man semen.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
