fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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