You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
