Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
