i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Someone came in the potted fern
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
