I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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