At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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