i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
