youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize