I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
