That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
