So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
