she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
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