I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
