I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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