He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
50% drunk capacity currently
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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