Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
