So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Randomize
