He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
