he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
