After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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