she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
