So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
