I want to walk on stilts...naked
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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