Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
high people should be assigned attendants
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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