she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
he shaved USA in his pubs
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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