I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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