Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
