You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
we're making bets on your personal life
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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