I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize