Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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