five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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