its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
