I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
