I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
