just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
