Got a toothbrush?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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