Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
3pm strippers are depressing
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
