I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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