I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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