I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize